Growing Older-in a Musing Mood

October 10, 2020

Today is my Birthday. A special day as I am another year older;maybe not wiser but certainly older. There are so many words that can be written about growing older and I will tell you how I feel about it.For the most part I have had a good life,a number of ups as well as many downs-but all in all not bad.

I think that songs and quotes can express what I am thinking and feeling we will come to them soon. For me the worst and truly negative aspect of growing older is loosing people along the way;this is what pains me the most and hurts me to think about those wonderful individuals,even though i smile now when I think of them!! Whoever said growing old is not for sissies was SO right— man you really have to be tough to deal with all the s__t that comes along with aging.

The first quote seems appropriate here “Do not regret growing older,it is a privilege denied to many.” Unknown So we press on. My mind tells me that I want to do certain activities,my body laughs and cries NO are you out of your mind–how many of you are in this club as well?a As we get older we learn hopefully to appreciate much of which we took for granted–health,friends,activities,and most of all the ability to navigate life on our own by ourselves. We didn’t think about steps-hills-driving/losing the ability to be mobile without help no this never crossed a young/middle age persons mindset. Well it does when you grow older— daily obstacles can be frightening. Second quote—“You can’t help growing older,but you don’t have to get old.” Songs mean a lot to me also so here is the first one I think fits here{there are at least hundreds} September of My Years=== by Frank Sinatra

As I said before the worst part of growing older is missing the ones gone before us. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of three women who had a profound effect on me,who I am, what I am,and possibly what I have been able to make of myself–my Mother, my Sister, and K– I do miss you— so that being said “your always on my Mind” by either willie or Elvis take your pick.

Finally- this is along post-as i said-musing mood- thank you for reading this post. It was not a post about politics/other people/but about me and my musing growing older—not old!! last song is by Frank sintra as well—- It was a very good year—-I would like to close with a quote from Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel

“When I was young I admired clever people,now that I am old,I admire kind people”

Good night Mrs Kalabash wherever you are

Shalom


The bigots among us

July 8, 2020

Initially I intended to go in a different direction;however, several statements altered my interest. If you followed what a member of the Philadelphia Eagles football team stated.his anti-semitic remarks with a half-assed non-apology very little was said about his hateful crap he verbalized. Few NFL players said a damn thing. You didn’t hear from the very loud and verbal sherman did you— but he was quick to attack Dree Brees for him standing up to salute our flag-Quiet!!

To add to this sorry situation,the owner and general manager of the Eagles are Jewish– interesting isn’t it. He is still employed would you be if it were you.Now lets add insult to this BS. Several organizations–Jewish– in philly reached out to see what they could do yo educate this SOB–This is typical behavior for these organizations,lets excuse hateful people and try to help them. Most of you know I am a proud,practising Jew. I have a much better way to educate and help these anti-semites!!!
As always have you heard anything from the left media— Not really why???
Anything from the NFL=????
My friends,I am learning I have many, if you think this attitude will stop at anti-semitic attacks it is only a start. History is a valuable teacher !!!!

I could go on for another 2 hours but I am tired and somewhat tearful at what is happening to the country I love so much.I will only mention what the leader of BLM in Toronto said about white people. He should be arrested and well— you finish the sentence. It is sickening.You and I would be arrested post haste;but we have to live under a different standard it has been proven time and time again. Thank you for the opportunity to express myself. Responses always welcomed. Sign off with compliments of Jimmy Durante

“Good night Mrs. Kalabsh whever you are”

Shalom


As promised

July 6, 2020

There are so many topics I could start to discuss that it may be difficult to pick where. If we list them by the degree of agitation it causes the list would never end,So here is a few to start with
1.Rioters claiming to be protesters 2. Looters. 3. statute destroyers 4.criminals being given free passes. 5 Democrats 6. those who want to defund ther police,but have private protection.7 Those who go after anyone who tries to protect themselves 7.antifa- that the media gives a pass to!!!8 Hell— the lying dishonest mainstream media!!!!18. news stations that tell lies /or half truths 9.teachers/professors who have a socialist/snti-american agenda. 10. finally the fn anti-semites that are springing up around the country.

This list is by no means exhausted;it is but a smattering of what we can talk about.— It is my start. What I want all of you to do is to truly take time to examine who the loudest and most violent individuals are. Really listen to the filth they spew and to whom they are really after. People who have an agenda to destroy this wonderful great country will attack me for writing these words. They will distort obfuscate what I say and my meaning. I am fortunate to be born and live in the freesest(if a word??) country ever with the exception of one other—- you should know what country I am talking about.

As I said this morning,I am just getting started— next post in several days.
My favorite sign off as Jimmy Durante said
“good night Mrs Kalabash wherever you are”

Shalom


LIVING THE LIFE WE HAVE TODAY

August 2, 2017

This is a difficult and trying time in my life at present. I am working through watching and experiencing my sister  Jill, fighting for her very existence I have been told. As I spent time with her in the ICU I recognized how important,necessary she is to me. I am not talking about my love for Jill– that is a given,but what she means to me in my life and I in her life. I/we take for granted  that our loved ones will be with us until it hits us in the face that they may not. WOW !!

I enjoy music and reading;this is one of the ways I spend my free time and my way of relaxing.I use music titles and lyrics to better express my thoughts and emotions;for example– I recognize that there are more days behind me than in front of me,as Mr. Sinatra sang- I am in the Autumn  of my years. As I write this and think of my sister, I am both laughing and tearful at the many things we shared . I also am aware that life is fragile; that we have to take full advantage of all the opportunities we have  emotionally,spiritually,intelligently. As i saw Jill lying there I thought of all the words I wanted to say to her and all of the words I Didn’t say to her in the past— Willie Nelson song– “your always on my mind” is so appropriate–don’t think what to say people Say them so there are no regrets later on.

I have never been accused of being afraid to say what is on my mind;I am  hopefully respected for” telling it like it is”. If this is the case remember as you go through the life you lead,and live the life you want to lead don’t forget to tell those closest to EVERY day _______. You fill in the words. There are so many songs running through my mind to share thoughts with you but the one I always  come back to that works for me is Frank’s “My Way”.  I guess the purpose or the reason for this post is for  us to remember those who are close to us,those we care about and those who touch us daily;not only when there is a crisis in life but every day every moment we are fortunate to have them with us.

Living the life we have and sharing it with those close to us,don’t forget this. I didn’t think about what it might be like without them until I was hit ion the face that she may be gone soon— I will close this rambling tome with a song title–“Always”. listen an think about those you hold dearest.

Shalom


Complaints

July 23, 2017

I have thought about this for a while. Initially I wasn’t going to say anything but today I became fed up!! Three years ago I was given the news that I was the proud owner of the typical diagnosis Type 2 diabetes, what  interesting life change this has become. It wasn’t difficult to alter my eating habits,to  alter my physical activities as I already exercised on a regular basis. What was the most important issue was finding decent and varied Sugar Free food stuff; hence my complaint—-t is a B___h to find decent and/or varied or even normal food stuff that I can eat. I have tried organic stores, specialty stores with less than acceptable results. To pile on the insults and to make our lives more difficult if you are lucky enough to find Sugar Free it is MORE EXPENSIVE!!  If I could make my letters larger I would. What a rip off and what BS this is!!!!!

Today was the ultimate for me— I finally found a brand of cookies that had a decent selection and decent taste, so what did this store do and 2 other stores do— they have limited their selection. I am at my crossroad today. I’m  done with it all. No more sugar free expeditions ; no more looking for tasty food stuff- I give they win! I will now eat a bland tasteless after dinner treats or none at all. Just look at the prices for sugar free candy and compare to the same candy with sugar— sticker shock; so I move away from the green package and resolve myself no longer indulge in the treat. The companies couldn’t care less, the 3 supermarkets couldn’t care less— maybe you out there may.

There is still one pleasant dessert left— sugar free pudding-but they have limited the selection. I will accept this as I have no choice. Thank you for reading this my friends. and to all of my fellow type2 keep the faith, keep the pudding flowing.

I was going to also write about the limited food choices at the many restaurants in this area— this is a complaint post for another time– Shalom everyone

 

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Raising Spiritual Children/Adults

July 9, 2017

It is Sunday afternoon and I was sitting outside reading James Pattersons new book(he has so many out) enjoying the very brief shower I thought I would write about this topic. Why? you ask- I don’t exactly why but is just came to me to do so. Bruce Feiler published a book recently entitled  The Secrets of Happy families. One can make many funny sarcastic sardonic comments about this,I am not I liked much of what he wrote but the most important point for me is the following.

He wrote “the single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all:develope a strong family narrative.” I am not going to bore you with many research studies,but the one from Emory University is relevant– the more the children(and adults)  know about their families story the higher their self-esteem,the more they believe in hoe their family functions!  WOW You may have read about a type of Therapy called Narrative Therapy-well this is similar to that concept.

A family narrative does many things for children 1.connects them to something greater than themselves 2.helps them begin to develop their identity. It also gives children the opportunity to say this is who I belong to, who I am a part of, Does this mean if you are an adult you have been past by  not at all. I listen to so many adults who question who am I ?how did I come to this part of my life? Narratives help children and adults. We all love stories,we love to hear about history on TV shows,on line (I would say radio but this would give me a blank stare). As a child or adult don’t you love to hear family stories at thanksgiving,other holidays such as Hanukkah,Passover,Christmas  of course you do don’t deny it.I remember as a child and teenager listening to my mother talk with her brothers and sisters about their lives and past events;they were children of the Great Depression what stories we heard and how they survived. At our cousins gathering last year we talked about our parents all deceased G_D bless the all) we laughed cried and said how lucky we were to have these stories to retell.

So in closing, this post is about telling your story to your family,creating new and unique narratives for your family it is about telling the story and passing it along to others.

Bruce Feiler, The secret of happy Families,New York,William Morrow 2013

 

 


The 4th

July 4, 2017

This holiday has many meanings for most individuals;some pleasant some not so pleasant. It is a holiday that brings forth vivid images and memories of our childhood and our adulthood.It is a holiday that today unfortunately some misguided and ignorant folks want to denigrate and use as a symbol for their own selfish and hateful messages. For me however; it is a holiday that represents freedom honor and commitment of a fledging group of states(not yet) that didn’t have a lot in common except a willingness to express their desire of freedom and to remove a history of tyranny and unfair practices.

I remember as a young person growing up in Philly going to Huntington park to the merry-go-round(do you guys remember them??) have a picnic and watch the fireworks,what wonderful and unbridled joyful memories WOW. It was a time of laughter family and cookouts. As I write this I still our neighborhood playing stickball and halfball— tears and smiles.

The first battle was fought in 1775- one year before the Continental Congress declared independence-can you imagine what was in the hearts and minds of the people at that time– Taking on  one of the strongest powers of the World at that time- what courage or what the hell were they thinking?? The battles for freedom acceptance still continue today. We all want this acceptance and acknowledgment of us as individuals,to recognize who we are and to enjoy the life we  have. This is a great Nation, a great place to live,  to raise our families and children,a great place to enjoy the freedoms too many of us take for granted, Yeah we have our warts yeah we have our issues(as it is commonly stated)yeah we have things to work on—BUT we have the freedom to do this. Hell  I have the freedom to write this post without fear!!

So on this 4th of July,2017 I wish all of you a happy day and to make the most of this magnificent country–truly folks we are so fortunate to live here, to worship our choosen religion to enjoy the fruits of our labor– as the great folk singer Woodie Guthrie  sang This Land is Your Land,This Land is my Land-etc

 

 

 

 


LONELINESS

July 1, 2017

Loneliness is a noun,it is defined by Webster’s New World dictionary (for those of you under 40 a Dictionary is a book that gives the definition of words) not an internet search.The first definition is–alone,solitary;2.standing apart from others of its kind;3.isolated;4.unhappy at being alone-longing for friends company,etc.

I decided to write about this for several reasons,1. I haven’t written a post in a while-please excuse me for this 2, I have noticed that in my practice I am coming across so many lonely people-more to the point soon. There is no question that all of us experience periods of loneliness some for a short period many for a longer period, The big question is how and by what behaviors we deal with being lonely or feeling lonely. In counseling we talk about coping skills or coping mechanisms, These are learned over time starting as a child and continuing into adulthood,We  tryout many of these coping skills using some that fail us but we continue to use them over time as  they are familiar to us,and hopefully we learn more positive and productive ones that help us deal with the myriad of situations we face daily or weekly.

In my work with couples I have found that the no matter what is verbalized,yelled,cried over what is underlying ALL of these issues is the FEAR of being alone !! What do I do now/what is to become of______? How can I move on?  Fear of being alone. There are no pat answers to this fear,each is a different answer for the person-couple-family in front of the counselor-me.Of course there basic strategies to share with whom you are working with,books to suggest to read handouts to give and other information to share with.The most important feature I have learned in my years as a therapist is to connect with my clients/patients and together develop the mechanisms that are unique to those in front of me. It is a process,painful at times-scary at times -however so very rewarding at the end of the journey. A little bit of personal sharing—-when I feel like this at times I sit outside on my deck with my dog Shilo nearby have a cigar and talk to — closest to my heart-my G_D,my mom,K,and J. I feel better, I get clarity,and I am ready to move forward.

I hope when you read this post you too will have a special place,special ones to talk with. You might find that Loneliness is not to be feared but to be dealt with. Thank you for reading this. I welcome your response.

Marc M. Orner

 


The Day After

November 9, 2016

I realize it has been a while since my last post, I do apologize—I have said that before;I will try to be more consistent. I’m sure you can guess what this is about, the election of 2016 and the surprise of all surprises!! NO, It should not be a surprise to anybody. This election truly was not about issues(where were they);it was not even about party politics. I believe it was about a group of people who believed they were above the law. above the rules we have to live in this society,above the fundamental rights of ALL people in this country. This election was a repudiation of what these individuals tried to force down the throats and beliefs of  many americans.It was also a direct renunciation of the Clinton elitist/and friends concept of what they “know” is best for this great country. It was said last night by one of the talking heads at ABC election night, that the Democratic Party abandoned the White males of this country in favor of special groups that will not be listed here—- well if that is true there must be a hell of  lot more white males than I thought in this country; again this is a spin that the pundits have to blame someone. NO that was not the reason for the 2016 election results, I believe the real reason is that the Majority of Americans— of all ilk are tired of the typical politicians in Washington telling us what is best for me— you and other less intelligent people they pretend to represent. It is time that these special interest group of people join with US as Americans to work for the good of ALL   Americans not just the those that have the loudest voices. I hope you who take the time to read this (and I thank you) do not infer that I am trying to sway you to a certain way of thinking— you might be surprised as to what I think!! I just want you to revel in the fact we have FREE elections and live in this wonderful country

Thank you—- Marc


eyes opened

January 25, 2016

On saterday I went to the movies and was overwhelmed by the movie—13 hours,bengazi truth ( not the title. 

I cannot state strongly enough that whomever reads this post,and whomever becomes aware of my statements—- please

tell others. Anyone who sees this movie or is aware of its contents and supports Hillary Clinton, and the other democrats in this

administration should be ashamed of themselves. The state department, the President, and the generals who refused to send help

when it would have made a difference,should be charged with derilection of duty at the very least or M____r.

It is a disgrace what this administration allowed to ocurr there, those magnificent 6 contractors saved all the lives they could,while this administratyion stood by and watched our ambassador and his aides were killed—A DISGRACE.  After watching this movie and reading what we have been allowed to see

anyone who votes for a Democrate, or Hillary Clinton just doesn’t care about this wonderful country we are  living in. I do not usually talk about politics

when I write; however, this was such a moving experience I had to say something. If you read this and want to comment, pleas do. I may not respond

as I still haven’t figured how to react to comments.